I’ve learned recently in my day-to-day but especially professional life that apologizing for things that aren’t your fault doesn’t make people think “oh what an exceedingly polite woman she even apologizes for things she has no control over,” it makes people think they WERE your fault.
i cried yesterday.
i cried from relief. from the deepest, heart-swelling relief in the knowledge that in two weeks’ time, i’d be free. free from uniforms, from shoes that pinch my pained feet, from broken washing machines, from people who don’t show up to work. from this damn city.
i cried from fear. from the prickliest fear that i will crash and burn in this role, that my voice won’t be able to make it through. that i FINALLY get a lead role where i get to sing such beautiful, virtuosic music, and i’ve been out of practice so long that my stamina won’t last.
i cried from panic. from the uncontrollable panic of being trapped underground and between stations for twenty minutes three times in one subway ride. the sickening feeling that you’ll have to shell out another $15 for a cab if you ever want to get home… that is, if you ever make it to the next station.
i cried from grief. from the aching grief that, for the first time, my grama won’t be here to see me in this show. i wish she could be there. she would have loved this piece, i would reckon far more than any that i’ve ever done. lord, how i miss her.
but just let me cry. i’ll be fine. i promise.
current wounds i am waiting patiently to heal:
i’ve never felt more like a little kid, who can’t quite seem to get her underdeveloped motor skills to catch up to her play-hard attitude.
growing up sucks because you realize $1000 isn’t a lot of money
Growing up sucks because you realize $1000 is a fortune.
Growing up sucks because you realize both of these are true at the same time.